How to Chat Online and Get a Good Natter Going

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Good chat comes down to three things: be curious about the other person, give as much as you take, and know when to wrap up. Start with something you noticed, ask a real question, then listen.

The three things every good chat has

Talking to someone online isn't so different from chatting over the garden fence. You just can't see a smile, so a few habits matter more.

Curiosity
Ask about the person, not just the topic. "What do you love most about it?" goes further than "nice".
Give and take
Answer their question, add a little about you, then hand one back. When one person does all the asking, it soon feels like an interview.
Knowing when to end
Finish while it's still fun. Leaving on a high makes the next chat something to look forward to.

So how do you start a conversation with someone online? Notice something real, like a photo they posted or what they've just said in a room, and ask about it. Our conversation starters work that way, and when you've nothing specific to go on, our icebreaker questions work with anyone.

Chat room or one to one: what changes?

Natter is for adults 18+, and there are two main ways to chat: with everyone in a chat room, or one to one in private messages. The manners are the same; the rhythm isn't.

In a chat room

When a room is busy, several threads run side by side and lines scroll past quickly. Keep yours short, talk to the room rather than one person, and reply by username so people know who you mean. Admins moderate the rooms to keep them friendly.

In a private message

It's just the two of you, so you can slow down, ask follow-ups and give longer answers. Private messaging is limited for Free members and unlimited for VIP and VIP+ (see the pricing page).

New to it all? Our guide to Natter's chat rooms explains how they work.

How do you read the room before you join in?

Walking into a busy room online is like arriving at a party halfway through. A minute spent reading first saves a lot of blushing later.

Scroll back through the last few messages so you know what's being talked about.
Match the pace: short lines when it's lively, proper answers when it's quieter.
Join a conversation that's already happening before starting your own.
Say hello to the room, not just to the one person whose photo caught your eye.
Never paste the same line into every room. People notice, and it reads like a bot.

How do you move from a room to a private message?

Plenty of good one-to-one chats start in a room. The trick is making the switch feel natural rather than like a pounce.

Chat in the room first, long enough to have a little thread going between you.
Ask before you move it. "Mind if I message you about that?" is enough.
Open with a callback to what you were talking about, so they know exactly who you are.
If they say no, or don't reply, leave it there and carry on enjoying the room.

Once you've moved across, you might send something like this:

Hi, it's me from the room. I still need the end of that holiday story.
Ha, the lost suitcase. It's a long one, have you got a minute?
I've got all evening and a fresh cup of tea.

Keep the chat on Natter until you feel ready to share more: Natter warns you if someone tries to move it to another messaging app, and you should never send money to anyone you've met online. Our chat safety advice has more on spotting trouble early.

What should you do when a chat goes quiet?

First, don't panic. People get called away, put the kettle on or fall asleep halfway through a reply. A gap is not a verdict on you.

After a while, one light nudge is fine: a new topic, or a callback to something they said. Three in a row is not. If there's still nothing, let it go gracefully; a chat that's quiet tonight can pick up again tomorrow.

Our guide on how to keep a conversation going has the habits that stop chats stalling, and what to say when one has.

Guides to get you chatting

Icebreaker questions
90 questions in six moods, from daft openers to deeper ones for when you know someone better.
Conversation starters
75 openers built on a profile, a room or a shared interest, with sample chats.
How to keep a conversation going
Follow-ups, callbacks, better replies than "haha", and what to do when a chat fades.
How to end a conversation
Kind ways to wrap up a chat, with lines you can borrow.

More good advice for your next natter

Questions to ask, friendly flirting, chat shorthand, and staying safe while you do it.

Questions about chatting online

How do you start a conversation online?

Pick out one real detail, like a photo on their profile or a line they wrote in a room, and ask them something simple about it. That shows you have paid attention and gives the other person something to answer, which a plain hello does not.

How do you talk to someone online without it being awkward?

Keep the first few messages light, answer their questions with a little detail, and ask one question back each time. Awkwardness usually comes from one-word replies or a pile of questions at once, so aim for an easy back and forth instead.

What should you avoid saying in a first chat?

Skip anything you would not say to someone you had just met in a café: comments about their body, pushy questions about where they live, or requests to move to another app. Natter's community rules ask members to be kind and respect boundaries, so a no means move on.

How long should you wait for a reply?

There is no set time, because people chat around work, family and sleep. If a private message has gone unanswered for a day or so, one friendly follow-up is fine; after that, it is kinder to move on.

Ready for a proper natter?

Put the kettle on, pop into a room, and try out a question or two on someone new.