Opening Messages: How to Write One That Gets a Reply
Join freeA good opening message is short, specific and easy to answer. Pick up one real detail from their profile or a room, add a line about yourself, and finish with a light question.
What is a first message actually for?
It has one job: to earn a second message. That's all.
It doesn't need to be clever, and it certainly doesn't need to sum up who you are. People freeze over first messages because they try to make one line do the work of a whole evening. Take the pressure off. You're not writing a speech, you're knocking on a door and holding out a cup of tea.
The openers that work tend to have three small parts: a hook (something specific about them), a little of you (so it's a swap, not a quiz), and an easy question (so they know what to say back). Here's what that might look like if you'd spotted a hiking photo on someone's profile:
- Is that the top of a proper mountain in your second photo? I get out of breath on a steep high street. How long did it take you?
- Ha, about four hours, and I complained for most of them. Worth it for the view though.
One detail, one confession, one question. Nothing more is needed, and the reply has somewhere to go.
The three-part opener, piece by piece
- The hook. Something you can only say to this person: a photo, a line in their profile, a post they wrote in the Activity Feed or in Spaces, or something they said in a room. If you could paste your message to anyone, it isn't a hook yet.
- A little of you. One line that gives them something to react to: a matching interest, a confession, a small opinion. It turns your message from a question into the start of a swap.
- An easy question. Just one, and one they can answer in a sentence without needing to think hard. "Where was that?" beats "What are your hopes and dreams?" by a mile at this stage.
Length matters too. Two to four lines on a phone screen is about right. Shorter than that and there's nothing to grab; longer and it starts to read like a letter that needs a considered reply, which is exactly the kind of message that gets saved for later and then forgotten.
Tone wise, write the way you'd talk to someone friendly at a party: relaxed, a bit curious, no performance. If you wouldn't say it out loud to someone you'd just met, don't type it either.
Weak openers, rewritten
Most flat first messages are one small change away from a good one. A few common ones, and what a better version might sound like:
| The opener | A better version | What changed |
|---|---|---|
| "Hey" | "Hey, I see you bake. Be honest: is the cake in your photo as good as it looks?" | A real detail and a question they'll enjoy answering. |
| "You're gorgeous" | "That sunset photo is lovely. Is that somewhere near you?" | Admires their choice, not their body, and asks something. |
| "Hi, how are you?" | "Hi, how's your Thursday going? Mine involved a broken umbrella and a very wet commute." | A small story gives them something to pick up. |
| A paragraph about you | Two lines about one thing you have in common, then a question. | Room for them to talk, not just to read. |
| "So what are you looking for?" | "What got you on Natter, the chat or the company?" | Lighter, and it still tells you plenty. |
If you're stuck for a hook, our conversation starters are built on profiles, rooms and shared interests, and the icebreaker questions work when there's very little to go on.
Opening lines for the moments you'll really meet
When someone has liked you
You already know they're interested, which makes the first move easier. Skip "thanks for the like" on its own; it's polite, but it leaves them to do all the work. Mention something from their profile instead, and the like becomes the start of a chat.
After a Super Match
A Super Match says "I'm keen" a little louder than a like (everyone gets one a week on Free, and three on VIP and VIP+). If one comes your way, match the warmth without going over the top. "You've made my evening, and I want to hear about that festival photo" lands better than a wall of excitement.
When a Promote Me intro lands in your inbox
Promote Me sends short intro messages on a member's behalf, so a hello can arrive before the person has written a word themselves. Reply to the person, not the intro: open their profile, find a detail, and answer that. And if you use Promote Me yourself, have a proper second message ready for whoever replies.
After a good thread in a room
When you move from a room to a private message, open with the thread you were already on. "You never told us how the driving test went" is instantly recognisable; "hi" from a username they half remember isn't.
When they live in another time zone
Natter members chat from the UK, the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Ireland and South Africa, so your evening might be their breakfast. A nod to it is a nice touch: "Morning to you, I'm finishing my tea over here."
What never to send as a first message
- A bare "hey"
- It asks them to start the conversation you came to start. Add one detail and it stops being a shrug.
- The copy and paste
- People can tell, especially in the rooms, where the same line turning up twice looks like a bot.
- Anything about their body
- Comment on what they chose to share, like a hobby, a place or a joke. Looks-based openers make most people close the chat.
- The questionnaire
- Five questions in a row reads like a form to fill in. One good question is plenty.
- A request for photos
- Never in a first message, and never without asking first in any message. Natter's community rules are clear on that.
- "Add me on another app"
- Keep early chats on Natter. If someone pushes to carry on somewhere else, Natter shows you a warning, because it's a common move by scammers.
You've pressed send. Now what?
Put the phone down and make a brew. People answer around work, children, sleep and the odd crisis with a washing machine, so a slow reply is rarely a verdict on you. Our guide to reply timing goes into how long is normal.
If a day or two passes, one follow-up is fine, as long as it adds something new rather than chasing ("Did you see my message?" helps nobody). After that, let it go and write to someone else. Members on VIP and VIP+ get read receipts, which show when a message has been opened; an opened message with no answer yet usually means "later", not "no".
How to answer an opening message you've received
Being on the other end is half the skill. If the opener is a good one, answer the question with a little detail and send one back. If it's a plain "hey" but the profile looks promising, you can rescue it yourself:
- hey
- Hey yourself. Good evening so far, or one of those days?
Not interested? Natter has one-click polite replies, so you can say no kindly without having to find the words. And if an opener is rude or makes you uneasy, blocking takes effect instantly and reporting happens right there in the site. Everyone here is 18+, and the community rules expect people to take no for an answer. The chat safety page explains the rest of the tools on your side.
Make your own profile easy to open with
The best way to receive good opening messages is to give people hooks. A photo of you doing something you love, a line about the last book that kept you up too late, an opinion about pineapple on pizza: each one is an opener waiting to happen. Our guide to photos and profiles covers what to show and what to keep back.
And once the first few messages are flowing, our first chat tips take it from there. For everything else, start at the how to chat guides.
Questions about opening messages
What is a good first message to send someone online?
One that could only have been written to them. Mention something specific from their profile or from a conversation in a room, say a word about yourself, and ask a question they can answer in a sentence.
How long should an opening message be?
Two to four lines on a phone screen is plenty. That is long enough to show you read their profile and short enough to answer straight away, rather than saving it for a moment that never comes.
Should I start with a compliment?
A compliment about something they chose works well, such as a photo of a place, a sense of humour or a hobby. Compliments about their body or looks tend to put people off in a first message, so save those for much later, if ever.
What if they don't reply to my first message?
Give it a day or two, then send one friendly follow-up that adds something new. If that goes unanswered too, move on without taking it personally and write to someone else.
Is it OK to send the same opener to lots of people?
It is quicker, but it usually backfires. A message that could go to anyone reads as if it did, and people reply far more often to something written for them.
Got Your Opening Line Ready?
Find a profile that makes you curious and try the three-part opener on someone new.
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